Choked again..

I'm not doing real well at the sunshine seires, actually I failed this series. My performance this year compared to my first race last year at the sunshine series is worst. I had slower lap times, I've been giving up half way through the race and just not having fun. I have a new bike which is a hell of a lot better than what I raced on last year. I can't put it down to anything else other than lack of confidences and a build up of anxiety. I have been riding as much as I can, I can keep up with mates when mucking around and training, I have fun and just totally enjoy riding however, race day is a totally different story.

I'm sick of looking for excuses, I don't want to whinge or become a "whinger". I don't want to look bad, I can't look bad for Chain Gang. I couldn't explain why I was failing and it was really bugging me. I felt shit, it hurt. My mind was full of "i've been riding heaps why can't I do well? have I ridden to many road kms? have I not practiced enough techincal stuff? the others have a coach I don't, I'm going to get smashed, Why aren't I doing well?Why do I crash at races? The others aren't worried why am I? why am I all over the place but I'm fine training? why?"

The point of this post was to let out what i've kept in, no one likes failing - especially me, not after how much money my parents have pumped into this sport to keep me going in the past 18months, all the hard work my sponsor does for me, all people who have helped me with advice, training partners and the reputation of been trying to build in the mountain bike community.

So what am I going to do about it? Well a race is a race, a series is a series, it's my first proper season its a learning curve. I failed this one but theres heaps more to come.. I'll attack next years Sunshine series with a more positive attitude, only worry about myself and keep my mind focused on what I need to do.

No more excuses.